I found out I had HIV, and my whole attitude changed. I was very angry for years. Five years after being diagnosed, I got a primary care doctor, and I’m starting to learn more about HIV. I’m seeing doctors about my disease that I really didn’t understand at the time. They told me that as long as I take my medication, I should be fine, and I wouldn’t have to pay for it either. It all kind of calmed me down a little bit.
Society says, “Only gay men get HIV,” or, “Only people on heroin get HIV,” and that creates stigma. That’s not how I contracted it. I have a lot of lady friends, and they don’t know I have HIV. I’ll give excuses to avoid being intimate like, “I’m not home now” even when I’m home. They might see my medicine sitting around or whatever. I have played out all the scenarios in my head. If I tell them, they might not want to see me anymore. That’s the only thing I’m struggling with now. I’ve been to counseling for that.
When I do run into a female that I know and we’re going to get serious, I’m going to let her know from day one. I always ask a woman what she expects from me. Then after I tell them, and how they respond, I have to live with it. The more I see my doctor, the more comfortable I feel talking about my status. I take my medicine every day, and every time I go see my doctor they say, “Hey, you’re doing great. You’re undetectable.” I look around now, and I see how God has been blessing me. Good things come out of bad things sometimes, you know.
